Life. Yes, life.

Wow. It really has been a long time since I put anything up on my little handy dandy prayer blog. I know that  I began this project as a way to make myself accountable, and encourage intimacy with the Lord. The beginnings of summers always hold so much expectation, hope and promise, and I think I may have had grander plans for this thing than what it's become.

But that's all besides the point. I was trying to bring glory to my little blog to show off to my family and friends by telling each week of my prayer awakenings. This is not about me, though. What can I say, God has a great way of redirecting my attention. I haven't updated mainly because my lack of updates kept on and on, and I started to feel guilty and ashamed for "failing." Again, completely ridiculous.

I have to be honest to anyone in the world reading this, and to myself for that matter. I may or may not update this thing for a while, but I just want to share with the Internet a few things that I'm learning about myself and of the Lord's grace. Whatever I write is true of myself right now at this moment. Some wisdom may be God-given, some may be things that I've gathered, and some may be preposterous. Who knows.

• Without a spirit of continuous humble, real thanksgiving, you will lose the joy as you center your world on yourself, your earthly desires, you, you, you--and by you, I mean me. Counting blessings, both tangible and abstract, help me stay centered on my God and the redemption he offered me when He sent His son to die on the cross. It's not always easy to do this in hard times or when the community doesn't share the same gratitude, but attempting to grasp a glimpse of just how deep and wide the love of Jesus is the only way to live. With the joy of knowing you have a loving father.

• I am selfish. I've used prayer with the intentions of increasing my own gain, which of course, only makes me want to pray more and more to lose more of myself and instead grow toward mirroring the heart of Jesus. Please pray with me on this one anybody, because this one is not the easiest for me.

• Compassion is beautiful. Lord, I pray for more and more of your compassion and ability to empathize. I want to love deeply, wholly and truly, and hurt for what hurts others, and then truly, earnestly and sincerely love my brothers and sisters of the world. 

• I don't have all the answers, and don't have to pretend like I do. There is no shame in owning what I know and learning the rest. I pray to want to be more of a learner from people and things. I don't want pride to come in between me and knowledge, experience or wisdom.

• Satan does chain me. In insecurities, in fears, in doubts. It's easy to see his mark during the day, and sometimes hard to focus on the Lord's goodness and victory. I pray that I continue to recognize more and more of Satan's work, so that I can better guard my heart against it and walk in the joy of the lord. 

•  I want  to have fun, to laugh, to share meaningful, deep experiences and connections, and live my life not afraid to love. I never want to regret not loving enough. My heart has enough room for the whole world, and I want to love on them. 

• I am who I am--whatever that means, and I have to embrace it and walk in the confidence of my individuality.