Endings and Beginnings?

Good Afternoon, Internet.

It's August! ...Say what?!

I'm writing to you with my sweet Tweety's (my heart bursts for her) not so sweet rear end on my neck in the back seat of a cramped truck, so bear with me, but it's time to blog. Like for real. Let's get to it!

In 3 days or so, I'm gonna hop back on 316 for the trip to Athens. I'm excited, I think, but this baffles me.

I have two days left of my internship. This is crazy, and I cannot even begin to say what a blessing it has been to earn an income, something for which I am very grateful, while gaining real experience, and restoring my heart for PR. Let's just say in May, I had a very jaded, disillusioned and negative opinion of what PR is as an industry, but now I recognize it as a worthy tool to spread goodwill and the do Lord's work. The skills learned in my studies are tangible and necessary for me to do what my heart dreams of, and I can't wait to get back and tackle some PR Research. Holla.

Spending the last few days with my earthly parents has just reiterated what an incredible Heavenly Father I have. Wherever they cannot go with me, Yahweh, my father is there. Unconditional, selfless love that defends and protects is the love of my Lord, and that strengthens and comforts me. The way my mother loves me is the way my God does. So blessed to have had the opportunity to be loved by a parent in this way. It teaches me how to love selflessly, and for this, I am grateful.

I've been invested into so much throughout my life, and am ready to pour that back out into the world to children and adults who may not have had such fortune in this world. 

I am excited to see where I'll go in the next year and who I'll become, and I have faith that the Lord, my Father, will go with me. 

For this new year, I pray for a renewal of the Lord's joy, that those around me understand how worthy to be loved they are, and for hope and light in the world. I pray for an outpouring of unconditional love, for deep community, for the Light of the world to shine, for kindness and empathy and for peace on earth. I pray for depth and a bright, shining, light, intimate, bold and courageous love that puts fear of man in its place. Love. It.

May our lives be blessings and testaments to the Lord's goodness, constant renewal and grace this year. 

Sending love, hugs and kisses to you!

Lauren

Online Summer Journal Time

Internet World--I will address you in this fashion because it makes me feel like this is 2003 and I'm one of the pioneer bloggers, which of course, I am not--but that is besides the point.

As I was just journaling and the ink of pen ran low, the Lord just told me to blog, and who am I to say no. So here we are.

I was just beginning to write in my journal that I think my heart is changing, and this is a good, though for me, scary thing. I just finished reading Kisses from Katie about a young woman, Katie Davis, who moved to Uganda following her senior year, and in the process adopted 13 beautiful young girls, founded her own nonprofit serving her native Ugandan community, and set her eyes on the Lord for all her strength and simply said, "yes" to him--and to all of him.

Her story is inspiring, convicting and very, very real. Check out amazima.org for more info on her work, and how you can get involved too! May the Lord continue to bless her and her work! Love. it.

Anywh0o0o--Here is how it, and my present circumstances, left me feeling. I'll use bullets because it makes it easier for me to process.

• Katie writes about, pretty bluntly, she doesn't think it was God's intention ever for us to live for the sake of comfort and mediocrity, but rather to serve the "least of these," to love our neighbors as ourselves and to love unconditionally and radically. To do this all for Him. To do this because He loved us first, showed us what real, unconditional love was when Jesus died on the cross, and because He continues to love us today despite our iniquities. 

Meaning, my current plans to work and work and work, and climb a corporate ladder or two, so that I can live comfortably and so that I can put my kids (future kids, obvs) in good schools and then spend the summers on nice vacations, etc., etc. etc. MAY just not be how God intends for me to live out tomorrow--and even today--and I completely agree. 

• I have always felt intuitively that God would use me in some way to help the world, and like Katie I want to say yes, but I unlike Katie, I fear that my "self" consumes a bit too much of my day to day for me to really pursue this (whatever it may look like). I pray that I can focus wholeheartedly on the Lord, so that His strength, courage and boldness can fill me and I will say yes when I know I've been equipped and called.
• Yes, I'm about 90 percent positive that my plans and my family's plans for my life and the Lord's plans for me will intersect in the near future, and the Lord will wreck my life beautifully, and I have faith, in the best possible ways.
• I love the concept of giving away your life to truly save it, and I pray that I can love unconditionally and spread da JOY to the ends of the earth or to wherever it is needed.
• I know that the Lord is not done with me where I'm at. I pray that I not be blinded by comforts at home, and set my eyes on Him for strength and hope. 
• I am praying that I can derive my joy solely in the Lord, that He will delight me continually and truly, because I have always sourced it from my relationships, from acceptance, from earthly things. 
• I know the Lord, and this is a new one, uses my weaknesses to keep my centered on Him. In a life where it's easy to stay afloat and comfortable, the Lord uses darkness or struggles around me to keep me dependent on Him--something for which I am grateful because it is true that I need Him. 

So there you go. I am inevitably leaving out some piece of recent wisdom that the Lord will remind me of in five minutes, in which I will hit my head, and it will all sink in again, and this time hopefully last. 

Praying always that the Lord will continue to open up my heart and fill me of Him. I want to love unconditionally all the time, and say "yes" to Him . So blessed to have read Katie Davis' story. I recommend it. Completely. 

Life. Yes, life.

Wow. It really has been a long time since I put anything up on my little handy dandy prayer blog. I know that  I began this project as a way to make myself accountable, and encourage intimacy with the Lord. The beginnings of summers always hold so much expectation, hope and promise, and I think I may have had grander plans for this thing than what it's become.

But that's all besides the point. I was trying to bring glory to my little blog to show off to my family and friends by telling each week of my prayer awakenings. This is not about me, though. What can I say, God has a great way of redirecting my attention. I haven't updated mainly because my lack of updates kept on and on, and I started to feel guilty and ashamed for "failing." Again, completely ridiculous.

I have to be honest to anyone in the world reading this, and to myself for that matter. I may or may not update this thing for a while, but I just want to share with the Internet a few things that I'm learning about myself and of the Lord's grace. Whatever I write is true of myself right now at this moment. Some wisdom may be God-given, some may be things that I've gathered, and some may be preposterous. Who knows.

• Without a spirit of continuous humble, real thanksgiving, you will lose the joy as you center your world on yourself, your earthly desires, you, you, you--and by you, I mean me. Counting blessings, both tangible and abstract, help me stay centered on my God and the redemption he offered me when He sent His son to die on the cross. It's not always easy to do this in hard times or when the community doesn't share the same gratitude, but attempting to grasp a glimpse of just how deep and wide the love of Jesus is the only way to live. With the joy of knowing you have a loving father.

• I am selfish. I've used prayer with the intentions of increasing my own gain, which of course, only makes me want to pray more and more to lose more of myself and instead grow toward mirroring the heart of Jesus. Please pray with me on this one anybody, because this one is not the easiest for me.

• Compassion is beautiful. Lord, I pray for more and more of your compassion and ability to empathize. I want to love deeply, wholly and truly, and hurt for what hurts others, and then truly, earnestly and sincerely love my brothers and sisters of the world. 

• I don't have all the answers, and don't have to pretend like I do. There is no shame in owning what I know and learning the rest. I pray to want to be more of a learner from people and things. I don't want pride to come in between me and knowledge, experience or wisdom.

• Satan does chain me. In insecurities, in fears, in doubts. It's easy to see his mark during the day, and sometimes hard to focus on the Lord's goodness and victory. I pray that I continue to recognize more and more of Satan's work, so that I can better guard my heart against it and walk in the joy of the lord. 

•  I want  to have fun, to laugh, to share meaningful, deep experiences and connections, and live my life not afraid to love. I never want to regret not loving enough. My heart has enough room for the whole world, and I want to love on them. 

• I am who I am--whatever that means, and I have to embrace it and walk in the confidence of my individuality. 

Week 1

I've been home for a total of three days, and it makes me realize just how blessed I am. Seriously, I walked my dog this afternoon, and was blown away by the beauty in our side yard. Let's just say there was a bunny, a few robins, and a cardinal all frolicking together. It was like Tweety was peeing in the 100 acre woods, and it was great. Since Monday I've unpacked my clothes in record time, donated half of my old wardrobe, enjoyed many a long walk with Tweety, finalized my internship plans (Praises!), and gotten my zen on.

This summer is seriously promising, and I can see that my prayers are already being answered in tangible ways. Before leaving Athens, I asked the Lord for a spirit of productivity and discipline--and I can see this already coming into fruition. Nothing has been getting me down, and I can't wait to walk more in this
"get-it-done" spirit.

Now, I realize that this blog is very journal-y, but that is what I want it to be, I think. I can tell that my heart is already changing, but in ways different than I thought. Today, was my first day since being home that I was  able to have extended quiet/prayer time. The Lord is so, so refreshing, and that's what today's time provided--restoration. I was, however, guilty that I had not fulfilled my plans, and though I was busy, and found it hard to piece two consecutive hours together to pray. I had been feeling like I was backing out on my commitment, and started to resent this goal I had set for myself. Since these feelings occurred at the beginning of my "journey," however, I found it maybe easier to "reshape" what I thought my plans would entail.

What I realized: the Lord meets you where you are always, and more than anything is pursuing a relationship with you. When you spend time with your best friend, do you do it out of obligation? No, you do it because you want to, and the time spent is life-giving and joyful.

I want my desire with my time spent with the Lord to mirror the joy you get from hanging out with your gal pals. I've realized now that two hours is really an arbitrary number, and while great in all, I don't want to put any limits on the time I spend with the Lord. Friendships are much more organic than scheduled "Jesus" appointments, and that is what I want to encounter with the Lord this summer.

He has no limits, or confines, and so I am not going let self-imposed burdens on myself.

Additionally, I've learned that expectation can be really enslaving. When you establish plans for yourself, and then fail to measure up: you feel condemned. And if even if y'all succeed, you still might feel trapped by the pressure of your plans.

I'm becoming more and more content with having faith and hope in God's plans for my life and on the day-to-day. If you (I) keep my heart and soul open, His work can produce things that I can't even imagine. Literally.

God is so good, and I have so much love for y'all.

The Last Week

ONE MORE WEEK...until the first "real" update. 

No pressure, but I truly can't wait start updating you all on my journey which (to be official) will begin next Tuesday when I am finally home for the semester, though truthfully, I know I have already embarked. 

This year has been SO crazy and full, and as I look at what the coming weeks have in store, I feel that I will be busier than I had initially planned. This is good, so good, but raises the fear that I will need to become more disciplined than I am presently to make it through. This discipline, of balance and structure, is the gift and strength I believe God has certainly promised me this summer more than anything. How do I fill my days with joy and His freedom, and unlock His full potential in my life? 

This semester in Athens I ran and ran and ran to meeting after meeting, and it burnt out my spirit. I wasn't restoring my soul and life in the Lord's fountains, and as a result, I suffered...and complained, a lot. I have a vision that this summer is going to be a time for me to take back what the Lord has given me in freedom and love and joy, and I am excited to seize it, but this prospect of a new season of renewal scares me slightly because committing to balance and abiding in the Lord's spirit takes--discipline. 

Recently, I've realized and come to understand that the Lord moves in power when hearts and lives are open for him to pour in His spirit, and I have been praying that I keep mine open to him as I step into this new season. I want it to be fruitful, and know that this is key to this hope.

I am truly in shock that this is the last week of school, and am so grateful for the Lord's work in my life this year, but more importantly, I am thankful for Him. SO MUCH LOVE. 

prayers for the summer (and last week of school)

*open hearts, and a willingness to work for what the Lord has planted. That we may abide in Him everyday this summer, that this dwelling continues next semester, and that we are faithful to the faithful Lord. 

*an excitement and yearning to grow and be transformed. A content spirit, and an understanding and joy to simply be still and listen to the Lord. 

*faith that He never leaves, even when do.

*supernatural discipline & that we can dedicate all of our plans to the Lord for His glory. all days.

*that He can continually renew our spirits, and restore us. 

*provision, protection, continual restoration.

So much love for you all!

And so it begins!

Holla y'all!

And so my diary blogging journey begins! My main heart for this blog is that it will continue to foster an introspective and reflective spirit in my life, so that I can listen with open ears (and an open heart) to what God has in store for me in the coming seasons, and in this one--of course. I hope that this project provides encouragement to whoever stumbles across it on the sometimes lonely desert of the internet.

I feel strongly encouraged by the fact that the Lord is transforming my heart in such a radical, tangible and real way, and as a result, recently felt that I would need to dedicate a large portion of each day this summer to reflection, meditation and prayer to process the transformation that has already occured within me, and to pray through the things placed on my heart as they come along. I have literally no idea in what this is going to provide, but I have faith that big, life-changing things are going to result from it. Each day I am going to devote at least two hours to quiet time with the Lord, whether that be through prayer runs (or walks, haha), journal sessions (praises for a good journal!), or just straight-up sitting and listening times. I will update this blog weekly as an accountability measure (every Thursday...because today is a Thursday), and I pray that encouragement results through the posts.

I am so, so, so excited for this journey. The Lord has shown me this year that true, real, and sincere intimacy with Him can occur WHEREVER you are--even in the busiest of times, and that this intimacy is so life-giving. As we all go out this summer to the distant ends of the earth, or to our parents' houses, know that is He who will sustain you wherever you go. I personally have been truly blessed with community SO of the Lord in college, and am forever thankful for these soul-sistahs, but I pray that as we all go our separate ways and leave this blessing of community in Athens (or wherever you are), that the solitude provides its own fruitful blessings!

Last year, I was convinced that I needed to give up everything I had to truly follow the Lord and walk in the path he had for me. Not knowing or understanding what that meant at the time, I planned to WWOOF (aka become an organic farm intern) through the world in order to eschew the human world and the trappings of modern society, these plans fell through, however. Not because it's a bad idea. Really, I think it's a great one (adventure, sun, vegetables), but because the Lord has truly shown me that He really wanted me to give up the bars on my heart that the world had given me: vanity, pride, control and countless more, and replace them with things of his own...and so, that is where this whole prayer without ceasing summer came about.

I invite you to pray with me on the topics that He has already been laying on my heart:

1) Exodus--and freedom for the Lord's peoples (from personal bars of the heart...i.e. pride, control, vanity, sin of the flesh, depression, greed, insecurity, condemnation), and also that unreached hearts would come to know the Lord personally this summer.

2) Continued revival in Athens...that in this next year, passion like never before and a yearning for the Lord is unleashed amongst all peoples in the city and that it radically transforms those affected to possess more and more of the Lord's heart, and that this wave of love spreads like a tsunami around the world. (forgive the natural disaster metaphor.)

I love you so, so much (whoever's hands this falls into), and thank you for reading this long blog post. The prayer journey begins in less than two weeks...what the what?! SO, SO excited, and I pray that you join me in this prayer journey. My heart is SO full right now for what it is to come, and I am totally relishing this sisterhood of the traveling pants moment I am having right now.

And so it begins!

Peace, blessings, and SO MUCH LOVE!

Seriously, So. Much. Love. for you...and this summer,
Lauren